September 3

"I'm going to knit a blanket next week.
I'm going to apply for colleges (at least one) next week.
I'm going to bring my trig grade up to a B next week.
I'm going to get caught up in my online classes next week.
I'm going to mail a Christmas present next week.
I'm going to get all of this done next week."


Looking back, I never knitted a blanket, I didn't apply to college until about January, Trig maintained a C (much to my dismay,) Online classes took ages to finish, and I STILL haven't mailed that Christmas present.

This shouldn't really surprise me, but it definitely bothers me. I make too many empty promises.

There was a book drive throughout the month of March for the Mississippi Delta. I had so much motivation. I had so many people who were going to donate. But the last weekend rolled around, and I went to prom, lost my phone, and fell asleep. I keep seeing pictures of people who donated hundreds, no, THOUSANDS of books, and I can't help but feeling like a failure. I wanted to help. I was GOING to help. I have stacks and stacks and stacks and stacks of books in my room that I got out JUST for this book drive.

But the end came, I didn't have the money to ship hundreds of books, and I didn't have the time or energy to pick them up.

We all know this is a lie though. If I really cared (which REALLY, I do,) I would have put my tired prom body in my car, and I would have picked up the books, dug into my VidCon fund, and sent the books up to the Delta. If I could have, I would have hand delivered them a week later, but that wasn't allowed.

I tried. I really meant to do well.
But you know how I am.